By Ben Hanlin
One of the biggest lessons I have learned as a magician, awards show host and communication skills speaker is this:
Before you can be understood, you must first seek to understand.
We have all experienced those conversations where we walk away thinking, “Why do they not get me?”
You are talking. They are talking.
Yet somehow, nothing is really landing.
This is a classic connection block, and it shows up everywhere. For example, you see it in leadership conversations, sales meetings, creative collaborations and even family life. In fact, whatever you are doing, if you want to know how to connect with your audience, this is often the best place to begin.
Here is the key shift most people miss.
Instead of trying harder to make your point land, pause and make an effort to understand their world first.
Where have they come from?
What experiences are shaping the way they see things?
What pressures might they be carrying today that you cannot see?
And what perspective is influencing how they hear your words?
Most importantly, what is the real reason they are resisting or questioning your message?
Once you start asking these questions, everything changes. Rather than speaking at someone, you begin speaking to someone. As a result, the moment people feel genuinely heard, their walls start to come down. As a performer and keynote speaker, I see this happen time and time again. Connection does not begin with talking. Instead, it begins with understanding.
This is the real key to knowing how to connect with your audience, whether you are performing, presenting or pitching an idea internally. When you genuinely listen, your message lands more smoothly. At the same time, when you show curiosity, you build trust. Over time, when you take the effort to understand the person in front of you, they naturally become more open to understanding you.
People listen more when they feel heard.
Because of that, communication becomes easier, warmer and more effective.
Ultimately, it is simple, it is human, and it remains one of the most overlooked tools in communication.
As a communication skills speaker, this is the principle I always try to pass on. If you want to influence someone, connect with them first. And if you want to connect, start by listening with intent, rather than waiting for your turn to talk.
Thanks for reading.